The Inevitability of Time Travel: Part Zero

Future Me #273: Hello and welcome to the first and final edition of The Inevitability of Time Travel. I am Future Me #273 and I will be providing play by play for those who don't have the live video stream. We also have Future Me #452 who has a wealth of experience providing color commentary for us today. 452, welcome.

Future Me #452: Thanks 273. The weather's nice today, not cold like it was in the days before man altered the climate. Well, here they come... I think Present has something to say. Let's listen in...

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Present Me: How did it come to this?

Past Me #12: You, my friend have been, solossinated.

Present Me: Solossinated?

Past Me #12: Yep. Solo-assassinated.

Present Me: I'm sure I'm going to regret this... What the bloody hell is solo-assassination?

Past Me #12: Solossination is sort of like suicide but instead of the present you killing the present you, it's when one of the future, past, or present you kills a different future, past, or present you (usually it's the present you getting the kabosh - which I can tell you makes all of the future you's very uncomfortable indeed). So, suicide is really just one of the more dull and unimaginative ways solossination can happen.

Present Me: Okay, there are so many reasons why everything you said is totally insane, but I'm going to go with the most obvious. I am not dead.

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Future Me #273: Oh! 452, the interview has just been interrupted by a team of highly skilled Ranger Me's storming in and forcefeeding the Present Me ridiculous amounts of gluten filled donuts and... oh my! Present Me has just developed an alarming allergy to gluten!

Future Me #452: That's gotta hurt, 273. Gluten allergies are no laughing matter.

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Present Me: MMmmmmm, donuts.... scratch... scratch, scratch....       scratch, scratch, scratch... AAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Past Me #12: You're still here? Dammit us! Those other we's just botched the solossination. Well good for me,  I live in the other direction. I'm outs y'all, gonna go do something stupid and fun. Good luck all you future suckas!!!