The Inevitability of Time Travel: Part One

Future Me #274: I have returned to the present to discuss something that may seem very innocuous in the present but is very serious in the future.

Present Me: Soap bubbles?

Future Me #274: No. Soap bubbles were/have been/will be eradicated by 2042. I want to talk about space measles.

Future Me #93: Hey! I just found out I have space measles.

Future Me #274: Exactly! Nasty little boogers too. They kept me/us/we scratching for years until eventually Future me/us/we #127 died from them. Fortunately there's still time to save him/us/we.

Present Me: Wait. What are you saying? Are you telling me I die from measles?

Future Me #93: Guys, I don't feel so good.

Future Me #274: Space Measles, yes. But if we hurry you/us/we can avoid them.

Present Me: Okay, what do I need to do?

Future Me #274: First, avoid space. 97% of all space measles hang out there waiting for cosmonauts, monkeys in capsules and Richard Branson and it is VERY contagious.

Future Me #93: Achoo!!!

Future Me #274: Second, since we all know from Einstein's genius calculations that space and time are really one and the same also avoid all time.

Future Me #93: Cough!!! Cough!!!

Present Me: So, wait a minute. You said 97%. What about the other 3%?

Future Me #274: Oh don't worry about that. The other 3% is only found in rare artifacts like computer keyboards, common drinking water and toothpaste. Besides, it has been/will be discovered that steady and consistent blogging is an effective space measle deterrent.

Future Me #93: We're all gonna die aren't we?

Present Me: Yep.